Today's Weirdest/Offbeat News - Archives 3

Half-ton Mexican man says new diet helping him shed hundreds of pounds

MONTERREY, Mexico (AP) - Manuel Uribe weighed 1,235 pounds when he made a desperate plea for help on national television in January.

Unable to leave his bed for five years, the 41-year-old mechanic in the northern industrial city of Monterrey longed to move again. His plea was answered by doctors and nutritionists who prescribed a high-protein diet, helping him lose about 200 pounds since then.

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BROKEBACK MOUNTIES

"This is a first for us," said a spokesman for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Nova Scotia. Now that same-sex marriage is legal in Canada, two Mounties are getting married. Const. Jason Tree, 27, and Const. David Connors, 28, work in different divisions of the RCMP, but have known each other since college. And, they say, they've gotten terrific support from their co-workers. "I've never had a single problem" from fellow Mounties, Tree said. (Halifax Chronicle Herald) ...The Mounties always get their man.

Naked boater in Ontario cottage country first charged under new law

TORONTO (CP) - The man behind Ontario's tough new crackdown on drunken boaters nearly choked on his coffee Wednesday when he learned that police had arrested a naked woman on Lake Rosseau and charged her under the law he drafted.

The fact that David Zimmer owns a cottage on Lake Rosseau, not far from where the arrest took place, makes the whole story "just bizarre," said the Liberal member who represents the Toronto riding of Willowdale.

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California rat-lover says his 1,300 pets were 'force of nature'

PETALUMA, Calif. (AP) - A California man who had 1,300 rats removed from his home by animal-control officers said he originally bought several as pets but they were "a force of nature" that soon bred out of control.

Roger Dier, who was cited for misdemeanour animal cruelty, told the Press Democrat newspaper of Santa Rosa depression and loneliness kept him from controlling his fast-breeding population of pet rats. "I did not set out to do this," he told newspaper.

Utah Highway Patrol Chief Cited for DUI

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) -- The commander of the Utah Highway Patrol's drunken driving unit has been cited for driving under the influence of alcohol after crashing his cruiser into a concrete barrier, authorities said Thursday.

Lt. Fred Swain veered off the shoulder of a highway in Draper early last Friday, overcorrected and hit the barrier that separates the lanes, Lt. Doug McCleve said.

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Verdict Coming For "Penis Pump" Judge

After five hours of deliberation, an Oklahoma jury last night convicted Donald Thompson of indecent exposure and recommended that the former judge serve a year in prison on each of four felony counts. His sentencing was scheduled for August 14.

Closing arguments are scheduled today in the trial of the former Oklahoma judge charged with indecent exposure for using a penis pump (among other really gross acts) while on the bench. Donald Thompson, 59, is facing felony counts for his alleged lewd behavior while a Creek County District Court jurist (Thompson resigned from the bench in 2004). According to a yucky probable cause affidavit, Thompson exposed himself during three separate 2003 cases (two of which were murder trials). For example, on May 13, while he was presiding over State v. Kurt Arnold Vomberg (who was accused of killing his girlfriend's 21-month-old daughter), Thompson loudly pumped himself up. Two court employees told investigators that they saw Thompson attach the suction device to his penis, while five jurors reported hearing whooshing sounds, which they thought were coming from either a bicycle pump, blood pressure cuff, or an air cushion on the judge's chair. After a search of Thompson's former courtroom and chambers yielded items that tested positive for seminal fluid, investigators secured a search warrant to obtain a DNA sample from the ex-jurist. Thompson's demise was triggered by a complaint filed against him by the Oklahoma Attorney General, who sought to oust the jurist for a variety of illicit behavior. Along with using the penis pump, Thompson also allegedly shaved and oiled his private parts, according to accounts given to state investigators by court employees. If convicted of the indecent exposure counts, Thompson could face a maximum of 10 years in prison on each charge.

Quit Clowning Around!

Circus clowns in England have been told that mandatory water restrictions apply to them, so they cannot continue their "slosh shows" where they throw buckets of water on each other. "Deliberate" violations of the water restriction orders are punishable by a 5,000-pound (US$9,100) fine. "No one else is allowed to fill buckets from a hose in their back garden and throw them over each other," said a Sutton and East Surrey Water spokesman, "so why should the clowns?" (AFP) ...They could get around the ban by simply setting each other on fire first.

Estonians reign at wife-carrying championships

SONKAJARVI, Finland (Reuters) - Finishing upside down clinging to a man's back may not be the most graceful way of winning gold, but it sure helped Sandra Kullas and Margo Uusorg to the world wife-carrying crown on Saturday.

The Estonians were among 40 pairs from eight countries who competed in the annual event in Sonkajarvi, in central Finland.

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Meet Collette . . . ACTION HOOKER

PARIS, France -- The latest toy craze to hit France is an action figure that gives a new meaning to the word "action."

"She is beautiful, no?" asked Jacques de John, CEO of Le Joi Du Toys, France's largest toy manufacturer. He was referring to its Collette line of dolls introduced three months ago. "But then," he added with a uniquely Gallic wink and laugh, "she would have to be, given her toy line of work, eh?"

Collette stands 12 inches tall and resembles America's classic Barbie doll. But the similarities end there. While Barbie can be a princess, a nurse, a pilot or any one of a hundred professions that promotes self-esteem, Collette has lots of wardrobe but just one career.

"She is a Woman of the Night," said Monsieur de John.

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The "indecent" CBS drama "Without a Trace" for which the Federal Communications Commission is proposing a $3.3 million fine of the network and affiliates was apparently complained about by only two (at most) actual viewers of the estimated 8.2 million who watched it that December 2004 night, according to FCC records that CBS cited in a June filing to the commission. Those two (and 4,209 complaints from people who apparently only heard about the show) did not start arriving at the FCC until 12 days afterward, which coincidentally was the day that a family watchdog organization began alerting its members about the show. The same CBS program had aired in 2003, with no complaints.

U.S. Pins Wiener-Eating Hopes on Chestnut

NEW YORK (AP) -- The biggest challenge of his life awaits Joey Chestnut on the Fourth of July - and he doesn't want to choke. It's a legitimate worry. Chestnut aims to inhale more than four dozen frankfurters in 12 minutes at the annual Coney Island hot dog eating competition. And there's the pressure of going jaw-to-jaw with the world's foremost competitive eater, five-time defending champion Takeru Kobayashi of Japan.

The 6-foot-1, 230-pound Chestnut is warming up for his East Coast showdown by downing 40 hot dogs or more in a single sitting, twice a week.

"If I'm not eating hot dogs, I'm not eating much," said Chestnut, whose U.S. record of 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes earned him a mention in May in Sports Illustrated. "Everything is going pretty good."

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Suspect in back of police car steals cruiser
Woman slipped through partition between back and front seats

By RYAN CUREATZ -- London Free Press

Drunk driver tries to make getaway in police cruiser

Surprised police officers watched in embarrassment Sunday as a woman they’d arrested only moments earlier took off in their cruiser through the Chatham-Kent countryside.

It was a Houdini-like escape that began near Wallaceburg around noon on Sunday.

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Witchcraft ban ends in Zimbabwe

Zimbabwe has lifted a ban on the practice of witchcraft, repealing legislation dating back to colonial rule.

From July the government acknowledges that supernatural powers exist - but prohibits the use of magic to cause someone harm.

In 1899, colonial settlers made it a crime to accuse someone of being a witch or wizard - wary of the witch hunts in Europe a few centuries earlier which saw many people burned at the stake after such accusations.

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Ethereal Exam
Test your knowledge of ghosts

1) Where you are most likely to see ghosts?
a) In your office
b) In an airport
c) At a football game
d) In a vacant house or empty part of a house (such as an attic)

2) What do ghosts like to eat?
a) Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
b) Dark chocolate with almonds
c) Nothing
d) Sushi

3) What are ghosts are drawn to?
a) Music
b) Pets
c) Favorite movies
d) None of the above

4) Which appliance is a ghost most likely to haunt?
a) Toaster
b) Dishwasher
c) Refrigerator
d) Stove

5) What do ghosts usually wear?
a) Nothing
b) The clothes in which they were buried
c) The clothes in which they died
d) White bed sheets

6) What should you do if you meet a ghost?
a) Talk to it
b) Run away
c) Chase it with a broom
d) Close your eyes and say a prayer

7) How can you tell if a ghost is nearby?
a) You feel a cold chill
b) You can see it
c) It moves small objects around
d) All of the above

8) What do ghosts do to relax?
a) Do crossword puzzles
b) Go to the gym
c) Travel
d) Swim

Answers and explanations:
1D. Ghosts often appear in places that are not usually frequented by the living. Most spirits don't like company and need to be alone. They haven't accepted the fact that they are dead and will only be able to go on their way after much solitary reflection. In the meantime, they show themselves only when they want to scare away intruders or communicate some unfinished business to the living. That's why they don't show up in an office during normal working hours or at an airport or a football game -- too many people around. Occasionally, spirits go to attics to look for the things they owned when they were alive. You may see them there if you go up alone. You might see a ghost on your TV screen, but if you do, call the repair man: Ectoplasm, the chemical buildingblock of ghosts, is incompatible with digital circuits.

2C. Ghosts don't eat, so even if they loved sushi or dark chocolate with almonds in their lifetimes, you won't be able to lure them out of hiding by placing their former favorite foods on the table.

3A. If you want to see a ghost, you can try drawing them out with the music that they liked when they were alive. As intangible beings, they respond strongly to intangible media (and also tangible mediums like our Madame Malisa). Ghosts don't like pets because animals sense when they're around and make a racket. They also don't respond to movies, even the ones they liked in their lifetimes. A ghost's eyesight is notoriously poor except in almost total darkness.

4A. Ghosts are naturally drawn to the "pop" action of a toaster because it scares people.

5C. Most people who have seen ghosts say they wear the clothes in which they died, not the ones in which they were buried. This makes sense: That was the way they looked when their lives ended. Ghosts don't actually wear sheets. People who claim to have seen them like that are really seeing raw, unformed ectoplasm. Ghosts who appear in this form are usually in a transition period, getting ready to head off to the afterlife. Ghosts who are still dressed will probably be around for a while, like seniors at a prom.

6A. If you meet a ghost for the first time, you will probably be scared. Talk to it. That will help to calm you down. Attacking it will only rile you both. Running won't make it go away (it can float faster than you can move). Prayer may make you feel stronger . . . but it won't make the ghost disappear.

7D. Many ghosts seem to enjoy teasing live humans. After all, there's not much else to do when you're dead. Unfortunately, some ghosts do not have good intentions and will hurt people if they get a chance. Some are tormented. Some are angry and want vengeance. If you sense that a ghost is nearby, be firm with it. Ghosts respect those who are unafraid.

8D. While ghosts can't actually swim, they know how to float and enjoy the coolness of the water. Their eyesight isn't good enough to do crossword puzzles and they no longer have a real body, so going to the gym holds little appeal. Neither does traveling. They can go anywhere they want, but they prefer to stay close to the places that were meaningful to them in life.

Checkers Winner Declared

Ron "King Suki" King won the U.S. checkers championship in June in Medina, Ohio, claiming the $6,000 first prize by emerging from a field of 41 competitors whose intensity generally rivals that of more popular and complex games. King, the world "free style" champion, is known as the Muhammad Ali of checkers for trash-talking his opponents. Also competing was another world champion (in a form of checkers in which the first three moves are always at random), Alex "The Mad Russian" Moiseyev, who assured an Agence France-Presse reporter that, as in chess, the top players have to think 10 moves ahead. [Agence France-Presse, 6-21-06; USACheckers.com, 6-25-06]

62-Year-Old British Woman Gives Birth

LONDON (AP) -- A 62-year-old child psychologist has given birth to a boy, becoming the oldest British woman to have a baby.

Patti Farrant - known professionally as Patricia Rashbrook - delivered her son, J.J., by Caesarean section on Wednesday, according to The Daily Mail newspaper. The baby was conceived after fertility treatments.

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Japanese odour recorder
lets people capture those special, fleeting smells

TOKYO (AP) - People stopping to smell the roses can now take that sweet floral fragrance home with them or even send it to a faraway grandmother thanks to a new gadget in Japan that records and replicates the world's odours.

The new device, developed by scientists at the Tokyo Institute of Technology, analyzes smells through 15 sensors, records the odour's recipe in digital format and then reproduces the scent by mixing 96 chemicals and vapourizing the result. Creator Takamichi Nakamoto says the technology will have applications in food and fragrance industries where companies want to replicate odours.

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