Human Communication
Do you know what I mean?

Let us not forget that greatest of all examples of failure to communicate the simplest of things. President Clinton argued that his testimony regarding Monica Lewinsky was true and accurate. He said the problem was in the use and understanding of the word "is." Mind you, he was talking to some extremely intelligent human beings, and yet, apparently they had been unable to fathom what the president meant when he used the primary verb, "is." Makes you wonder what mom really meant when she told you that you were the "greatest." And a good many other things as well.

When does poor communication become a lie? Does it matter?

The very existence of divorce raises an interesting question about communication. Are the wedding vows just examples of poor communications, or are they lies? If they're poor communications, then why don't we edit them? If they are lies, why does marriage exist? Bear in mind that over half of the marriages end in divorce.

We're bombarded with so much information in so many ways that we are becoming numb to it, which is nurturing the increasing failure we have to efficiently communicate. Part of the numbness is that we no longer expect communications to be effective: those coming in, or those going out. It's like our entire culture has secretly agreed to accept poor communications from everyone.

Our culture and experience control our ability to communicate. I was at a party a couple of years ago and while chatting with two new mothers, one of them mentioned a baby food product she was using, and that she'd started using it because of all the commercials she'd seen for it. I had heard of the product, but could not recollect ever seeing a commercial for it – not even after both ladies described a couple of the TV ads that ran 'all the time.' My mind clearly and completely blocked the communication of those ads out as being irrelevant. Since then, I ask people about seeing ads that I am familiar with, but that I know they have no interest in such as flying lessons, real estate, retirement planning, and so forth. When was the last time you saw an ad for disposable diapers? If you can remember, I'll wager you have an affiliation with an infant who wears diapers.

Husbands and wives of more than ten years are all-too-familiar with the phenomenon of utterly (that means completely and absolutely) 'blocking' incoming information. It's probably responsible for more arguments in that demographic than anything else. Wife asks hubby, during breakfast as he peruses the newspaper or a magazine, to please pick up a quart of cottage cheese on his way home from work. Hubby arrives home sans cottage cheese because he actually never heard what his wife said. He didn't forget, he really never heard it. Scary, huh?

What about fixing this growing problem? Well, start small – with someone very close to you. Block out a reasonable time frame, such as one hour, and sit down and talk about what you mean by things. Start easy, with things like 'hot' and 'cold.' You can work your way up to 'love' and 'depressed.'

During your discussions you will need to rise to new levels of precision. Never forget that you are trying to communicate about not being able to communicate. I know, it's an interesting problem, but not one that is insurmountable. It begins with both people accepting that they are not communicating efficiently. You really have to accept that fact, or you'll get nowhere. Sit down together and start to define crucial words. Don't try to follow in the steps of the ex-president, you're probably pretty good with your basic verbs. Deal with adjectives, and important nouns like 'trust.'

The journey of learning to communicate really effectively with even one other human being is not a short one. It takes a lot of time, mutual consideration, understanding and patience. The rewards at the end of the trip are well worth all the time, effort and aggravation – yes, I said ' aggravation.' When you get into learning to communicate with someone, there will be times of aggravation. But isn't that part of what being human is all about?

Oh, and in closing, I do realize that the chances of me having effectively communicated my thoughts are slim to none, but I just had to try. I really hope you got it, and will give improving your communications a try. Yu'll be glad you did.

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