Human Communication
Do you know what I mean?

If you decided to read this because you're looking for some new age foo-foo, you should quit right now! This is the nuts and bolts – the cold, hard facts about our galactic-scale failures in communications. It's about our undeniable inability to communicate even the simplest of things effectively, and our absolutely smug, arrogant refusal to accept that fact. It's also about how to fix the problem, at least to some extent. You have to start somewhere…

The other day I had a lunch meeting with someone who is always busy – professionally. We were to meet for lunch at 12:30. He called me on my cell phone at 12:15 and apologetically left the message "Hey, I'm sorry, I'm running a little bit late. Order me a drink!" (I don't answer the cell when I'm in lunch hour traffic.) He arrived at the table at 1:20 – a full 50-minutes late. His attitude and demeanor were casual, and he didn't offer further apology beyond "I'm sorry I'm a little late." A "little late"?

Myself, I think a "little late" can extend out to a whopping 15-minutes, but certainly no longer than that. Frankly, I was a bit miffed, but managed to stifle myself. This is a very beefy, clear example of our inability to communicate even the smallest of things. But this same thing runs rampant through our basic, daily communications.

One 'measure' that is frequently misused in daily conversation is "couple." People are constantly saying "I'll be a couple of minutes late," or "there are a couple of dishes to wash," or "I'm a couple of pounds overweight." Almost never can the word "couple" be appropriately replaced by the word (number) "two." But a "couple" gets married – a couple is two – not 10-minutes, or 17 dishes, or 23 pounds. How many times in the last ten days have people misused this term with you?

If you have a significant other in your life, then you've probably verbally exchanged that deepest of all feelings "I love you." What, exactly, do you mean when you say that? What, precisely, does "love" mean? If you find yourself answering with something nebulous, then what do you say it for? And what does your significant other mean when they say it? Are there really different kinds of love? Different levels? An hour after someone tells you they love you, and then states emphatically at dinner that they love sushi – do you feel like something is fishy? (In case my communication failed there, that last sentence was humorously presented, but quite important.)

"Love" is likely the most misunderstood, or mis-communicated word in America. On more than one occasion I've deeply investigated this phenomenon at personal levels with numerous people of varying ages and sexes. Basically, it appears that some huge matrix of definitions, levels, sub-levels, tangents, and options needs to be created to define love. Is it really possible for us human types to retain all of the variations of love people say exist? You love your father, mother, brother, sister, grandmother, son, daughter, and so forth. But you don't love any two the same way. To see this more clearly, write down what the love you have for each one of these people is and means and how it is different from the others, and put it away. In three weeks, take it out and again, in your mind, define the loves again. Now, check your notations. See what I mean.

If you are old enough to drive, then you have already had numerous experiences of disappointment at the effect of another person's inability to communicate simple things.

An old friend of mine recently had a bad experience with communications. He has been on an Internet dating service, and was communicating with a woman for a week when they finally decided to meet. The problems came at the meeting when they each came to better understand what their pen-pal meant by using the words "couple" and "few." He had said in his personal ad that his picture was a "couple of years old," and she had said she had "a few extra pounds." His picture was 13 years old, and she was 5'6" tall, and weighed 196 pounds. Does that sound like effective communication? I never got to speak with her, but he a) did not think he had misrepresented anything and b) could not understand why she was not forthright about her obvious weight problem. My guess is, that she was thinking the same things about him.

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