Understanding Why How Well You Know Your Spouse’s Family is Important in a Successful Marriage

How well do you know the families of the other? In some small towns, especially in the past, everybody knew everything about everybody, and there was little problem at this point. Today most young people have little opportunity to get acquainted with the family of the other. What can they do about this? One way is to tell each other. This, if honestly done, can help give the other a better picture of the family situation. The main trouble is, that the method is of value only when people are essentially honest. Unfortunately it may be those who are least fitted for marriage who will give the most glowing accounts of their families. Even those who would prefer to be honest often face a difficult problem. For example, Joan has become deeply interested in Harry, who is a student with her in college. Actually her family is crude, uneducated and unpleasant. But should we expect her to tell Harry all this? She may, or if Harry is clever enough, he may be able to "read between the lines." But certainly there should be other sources of information.

Direct inquiry is another possibility. If a man who is to employ a secretary requires references, how much more so should the man who marries. The Chamber of Commerce may be able to give information on financial status and credit rating. A minister or high school principal might indicate how well the family is regarded in the community. Since most people are reluctant to put anything unfavorable in writing, one has to read what is omitted as well as what is said. A personal conference with those who know the family would be more reliable. In some extreme instances, young men have employed private investigators to report on girls in whom they were becoming interested, and their families. While this may be a bit extreme it does suggest the attitude which young people should take toward the selection of their mates. In any case the investigation should be quite as thorough as it would be for the prospective candidate for any responsible position.

Have you each visited in the home of the other? Nothing can take the place of personal visitation. Of course the family may rally and put on a "front." But if the visit is for a reasonable length of time, say two weeks, they should begin to relax and act naturally. In the meantime, getting acquainted in the community and with other members of the family should shed some light. Caution should be used. Families may have friends or enemies who present distorted pictures.

Younger brothers or sisters who have appreciative audiences have been known to relate the most fantastic fictions. Parents who wish to prevent the marriage of their children have been known even to slander their characters in order to break up the match, although such a desire is itself of great significance.