Is You and Your Spouse being from the Same Cultural Group Important for a Successful Marriage

Are you and your intended spouse from the same cultural group? If not, is it safe to go ahead and get married? For reasons which we will not here discuss, groups from northern Europe are generally regarded by Americans as having the same general culture. Marriage with them constitutes no special problem. The American who marries a Dane, for example, even one who speaks little English, risks nothing more serious than a bit of good-natured joshing. But our attitude toward those who come from other parts of Europe is quite different. Young people who face the question of cultural intermarriage should ponder the following:

The most serious issue which the young couple face is acceptance by their families and friends. The hotel manager may not know nor care that Joe Spalin, who married Kate Jones, was once Spellini. But the Jones family and all their friends back in Middletown will know. It may make considerable difference where the couple plans to live. If they move to a large cosmopolitan center, or even to a small town not prejudiced at this particular point, they may have little difficulty.

Each couple must reach their own decision on the basis of their particular attitudes and situation. For the couple themselves, the main problems of adjustment may lie in the group customs of their backgrounds. The Spellinis are fond of spaghetti and meat balls, which Kate Jones detests. They have always served beer and wine in their home, while Kate came from a temperance family. The Spellini old folks are fat, dowdy, and "unconventional" in ways which shock the careful, prim Jones family. Can Joe and Kate stand each other's customs? This may depend largely upon their own temperaments. In artistic culture, and in taste for good music, the Spellings may be far superior to the Jones tribe. If Kate is appreciative and alert, she may find her relationships with her in-laws an interesting and worthwhile experience. Joe may actually welcome the rather stuffy conventions of Kate's folks. These are points which they should carefully consider before they marry.

Intermarriage between Jew and gentile constitutes a particularly difficult form of this problem. The major problem is cultural, not religious. Liberal Protestants are often far closer to liberal Jews theologically and ecclesiastically, than they are to Catholics or even orthodox Protestants. The problem is especially serious because the feeling against Jews is more widespread and intense than it is against any other cultural group. On their side, and partly as a reaction to outside pressure, Jewish groups maintain their own loyalties and solidarities with greater intensity than do any other large cultural groups in America. The Gentile member of the couple may find himself quite as vigorously rejected by the Jewish community. Before deciding, here are some considerations which the couple should most carefully examine:

a. Much depends upon the attitudes of the families and friends in the particular situation. If those who are related to the marriage are intelligent, liberal, and eager for better cultural relationships, the marriage may be able to with stand the pressures and difficulties. But if both or even one social group is bigoted, the young people had best seek some one from their own cultural group.

b. The problem would be greatly lessened if one would merge with the group of the other. If the Gentile could and would give up his Gentile connections and accept the Jewish group as his group, or if both would join a liberal church and establish their main social relationships there, it would greatly simplify the problem. And yet if either had strong family connections, such a switch might prove very difficult unless they moved to another town and did not visit their relatives much.

c. In some instances they might solve the problem by identifying themselves with some special group in which cultural differences were ignored. Jacob and Florence, Jew and Methodist respectively, both came from the same small town. After their marriage they moved to a large city on the west coast. There they found and quickly established themselves as members of a rather sophisticated group of artists and "intellectuals" who ignored cultural differences. Here they found ample satisfaction for all their social interests and needs.

When two persons from different cultural backgrounds are becoming interested in each other, all such possibilities should be thoroughly examined. They should come to definite agreements on specific policies before they decide to marry. Such policies may have to be changed in the future. But if carefully considered they can be of utmost value in helping the young couple decide whether or not they should take the risk. For in cultural as in other matters, it is safer and usually less difficult to marry someone from your own group.