How to Ascertain if You are an
Introvert or an Extrovert
and How it Can Affect Your Marriage

Are you introvert or extrovert? Most people have a basic grasp of the introvert-extrovert differences. As the names implies, the interests of the introvert tend to turn inward. Those of the extrovert tend to turn to interests outside himself. Most people are not either one or the other. They are in between. Yet, even so, they tend to be more on one side than the other.

On the whole, the introvert is usually the quiet, more reserved type who can have a good time being by himself. As a child he could spend all afternoon playing alone with paper dolls or blocks. As an adult he does not mind being left alone for long stretches of time. He may play solitaire a good deal. He does not mind going to the movies by himself. He can stay home night after night and enjoy reading or the radio. Do not misunderstand him. The introvert does not dislike people more than does the extrovert.

On the contrary, he may greatly enjoy them. He just does not need them in order to be happy. And he is less likely to be satisfied with "just anybody." He often wants to pick his company carefully.

The extrovert is likely to be the active, bubbling, outgoing type. He is the one who organizes picnics and gets everybody to playing games. Usually he is friendly and well-liked. He may not like people any better than does the introvert. He does have more need for them. As a child he wanted always to have plenty of company. If he found himself alone, he always had to go somewhere else, or have friends come over. Now if he goes to the movies, he wants to make it a party. He usually has more friends, although often not as close friends as the introvert. Psychologists have devised tests to indicate where people are on the introvert-extrovert scale. If you are interested, you might be able to arrange to take one of these tests. It may be fun to find out where you both stand.

How can introvert-extrovert differences affect your marriage?
If you are both either introverts or extroverts, the adjustment will probably be made easier. Yet it will make a real difference in the kind of home life for which you should plan. For example, if you are both extroverts, you will probably want to entertain a good deal. You will therefore want a place with a large living room and refrigerator. In buying furniture, for example, you will probably want to avoid the more delicate and "nicer" types, and get good, stocky stuff which can "take it." If you are both introverts you may want a different kind of establishment, even though you postpone the purchase of really nice furniture until after the children are fairly well grown.

If he is strongly introversive and she is the opposite, the adjustment may be more difficult. He may resent not being able to go to a movie, or a quiet picnic without a troop of outsiders along. He may not like having his house filled, night after night, with people for whom he does not particularly care. She may become restive at his lack of plans and his wish to stay home nights and read. On the other hand, the family may be more balanced if one is an introvert and the other extrovert. Jim, an introvert, chose Doris just because she was so different. He felt that he was too quiet and retiring. For his own development, as well as for business and social reasons, he chose a wife who would hustle him out, and bring other folks in. Doris, on her part, felt the need for someone to hold her back. She felt that occasionally she ought to be more quiet, both to rest and to have a chance to think things out. She felt, too, that she had so many friends that she would not get to know any of them really well. With Jim, life would be calmer, deeper and more stable.

The important consideration in this connection is not whether you are extrovert or introvert, but whether you are normal. If you are naturally either introvert or extrovert, well and good, but some people are artificially "jolly" because they lack self-assurance. A man may surround himself constantly with other people because deep inside himself he is afraid. Likewise the introvert may be badly adjusted, with deep-seated fears. Either introverts or extroverts can make good marriage partners, provided that they are also well-adjusted, wholesome persons.

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