How to Gauge if You Have the Will to Succeed in Marriage

Do you and your fiancé have common interests in actively promoting Do you have the will to succeed in your marriage? It's a hard question, but it must be addressed. Every couple must recognize that however careful they may be in selection, and however hard they may try to make it succeed, their marriage may fail, just as one or the other may die. A recognition of this possibility is quite different, however, from the attitude of "oh well, we'll try it. If it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce." Young people who are willing to make a serious effort to succeed have every reason to expect success.

A string, unwavering determination to succeed can often compensate for other limitations. From many angles, Agnes and Bernard had most of the cards stacked against any real chance for success. He was Jewish. She was Baptist. She was a college girl. He had not gone beyond the eighth grade. He was working class. She was upper middle. Both of them had some history of personality disturbance. Yet after a series of careful consultations, they felt that they had a good chance. Why? Because, first of all, they had an awareness of their difficulties. They both knew that if they made a go of their marriage, they would have to work at it. They were thus in a far better position than many couples who are suddenly tripped by problems which they had not foreseen. Most important, they had the determination to succeed.

Of course, similarity of background, character, and personality qualifications are all important. But none is a substitute for the will to success. Without that, people ideally mated otherwise may drift apart and break up. With this, many other limitations can and are overcome.

Do you have larger purposes which can give you sound reasons for success? Success in marriage involves far more than merely staying together. It means the working out of a relationship which is increasingly satisfying and worthy to all concerned. Many couples have clung together long after their marriages have lost their purposes, just because they wanted to show others that they could "succeed." Others have remained together because of social pressure, religious demands, or just because of their pride. We do not say that they were wrong in so doing. We do say that marriages which can be held together only by such reasons are not successful.

Success in terms of the development of a rich relationship will best result as the outgrowth of larger purposes around which the whole life is organized. Irene has for years envisioned herself as a farmer's wife. Her interests have long been centered on this goal. As one step in this direction, she enrolled in a school of home economics which was related to an agriculture school. While there she became engaged to a student who shares her interests. She will do everything she can to make successful a marriage which has for years been a life purpose for her.

The purpose may be social. For centuries there was no divorce in Rome. Why? Because the family did not exist for the satisfaction of the individual. Its purpose was to provide disciplined citizens for the state; citizens who would be its soldiers or the mothers of soldiers. The marriage of many couples today is the joining together in some common cause to which both are dedicated. The cause may be foreign missions. It may be world peace. It may be what is the essence of religion at its best; the dedication of self to the creative forces of life. But whatever it is, when this larger purpose is present, the couple has a basis for success.