Assessing How Important Character Traits are to a Successful Marriage

Why are character traits so important to a successful marriage? Have you checked carefully on the essential character traits of your future mate?

To some, a concern for character may sound a little on the pious side. They may feel either that character is not too important, or that they can take care of themselves at this point. But to the girl who is married to an irresponsible gambler, or who is fleeing across the country with a man wanted by the police; to the man whose business career and social standing have been ruined by an unscrupulous wife; to the girl whose husband deserted her as soon as she became pregnant, the matter of character cannot be so easily dismissed. Crooks do not go around with labels on, ringing a bell. They look, talk, and appear like anyone else. Some of them are unusually beautiful, charming, and lovable.

When you select a marriage mate, you're choosing far more than a bed-fellow and companion for your recreation. You are selecting a partner in a permanent building enterprise who will be, among other things:

The other parent of your children. This requires character, personality and the intelligence necessary to guide and direct the development of growing children. One who will have rather complete access to your bank account and credit. Such a trust requires not only honesty, but enough discipline to keep from squandering needed family resources for personal whims.

Even more important, that person will have intimate access to you. That includes your innermost thoughts and feelings, your hopes and plans, and your ambitions and aspirations. By encouraging you when you need it most, or by lending a hand or dragging his feet when the going gets tough, he may be able to make or break you.

The way your mate gets along, or does not get along with your friends, neighbors and business associates can do much to determine your social and professional success. Your parents may have had more influence upon you, but this you could not help. No one else will mean so much for your future as the one whom you choose as your mate.

Remember that you're choosing more than a companion for fun. You are choosing someone to do a total job; a job which requires a high level of integrity, competence, self-discipline and finesse. This choice is one of the most important decisions which you will ever make.

In an earlier age, young people often married those with whom they had grown up. They knew their families well. Therefore the risks of making a mistake about character were less than they are today. Now, people move so much that it is often difficult to be with them for any length of time. Often there is no contact with the family of the other until the marriage interest is well on the way.

The dangers of poor choice are especially increased for those who are eager to marry.

Priscilla was plain and homely. She had never had much attention and love; not even from her own family. Then Wilfred, an attractive boy, began to court her seriously. He seemed to promise everything she had been hungering for. So eager was she for love and marriage that she never dreamed of raising questions about his character. Others tried to warn her, but there was just no holding her. Not until she had been swindled out of her property and deserted, could she believe the truth about Wilfred.

George was in the same boat. He was shy and socially not popular. Girls did not like to date him.

Then charming Glenda came along; Glenda who was better-looking and much more attractive than any girl whom he had ever known. And Glenda liked him. She dated him, and gave him every encouragement. His joy knew no bounds. He could no more raise questions about her character than a child could about the character of Santa Claus. His friends warned him that Glenda was sexually loose. He knocked them down. How could a girl so beautiful, with such innocent, trusting eyes, be anything but radiantly pure? Women warned him of her unscrupulous deceits. He regarded such accusations as beneath contempt. Glenda had a lovely voice. She sang in the church choir. She gave wonderful prayers in the young people's meetings. How could such a girl be anything but noble; the innocent victim of evil minds? Besides, he loved her. Then he saw her in court; saw her sweet exterior drop away. When he pleaded with her in shocked amazement, she laughed at him for being a "sucker." Not until then could he believe.

People with serious character defects often are good-looking and attractive. In public they look and act like anyone else. Often they are unusually gracious and well-mannered. Many are good actors, and develop "hard luck" stories with great skill. They may be able, not only to explain away their defects, but to make themselves appear as the victims of "dirty deals" from others. By appealing to pity or a sense of justice, some have persuaded others to marry them, in part to "give them a break." Marriages based upon such motives usually ruin one person without helping the other, for marriage involves the acceptance of additional burdens. Those who could not get along well before marriage are even less likely to do so after marriage. To marry a person with serious personality or character defects is not to help him. Usually it will make the condition worse.

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