Reaching an Agreement with Your Future Partner about Having Children

Have you discussed the matter of having children adequately so that you understand each other? Have you reached an agreement satisfactory to you both? You will not settle all the details of this problem in advance. Couples sometimes plan for nine or so children, and later, by mutual consent, settle for a more modest number. But if either of you has a strong feeling against having any children at all, the other should clearly understand this before you become engaged. We do not say that a person who objects to children should not marry. We do say that any such attitude means something, and you both should find out what it means before you become engaged.

What will you do if you are unable to have children? Here are some possibilities which you should know about, and might consider together.

In many large cities there are fertility clinics. If you find yourselves unwillingly childless, your first step is to go to one of these. You ought to know in what cities they are to be found, and what they can do for childless couples. Would you accept artificial insemination? In some instances, only the husband is sterile, or the couple is sterile only to each other. When that is the case a physician is often able to impregnate the wife artificially. In such cases, both should be willing and the husband may have to sign adoption papers. Here is a possibility upon which you should come to some understanding before you marry.

What about adopting a child? This is not as simple as it may sound. Many more couples want children than there are children available for adoption. You may have to wait many lonely years. Your chances for adoption are usually better if you will take an older child, rather than demand a baby. Before you marry you should discuss your attitudes toward adoption. You should know also the main possible sources for children, and something of how you go about adopting a child.

For most couples, children constitute the main justification for marriage, the main goal of its endeavors, and the strongest bond which holds the marriage together. Therefore you should go over the matter of children with great care. Read widely. Ask advice of those in a position to know. Study, visit, and investigate. You cannot give the matter too much attention. For in your children will largely be the fulfillment of yourselves as well as of your marriage.