How to Assess How Adjustable You Are

How adjustable are you...?

William arose every day, except Sunday, promptly at seven. Half an hour later he appeared at the same neighborhood lunch room. The waitress no longer had to take his order. It was always orange juice, two three-minute eggs with toast, and coffee without cream. William had exactly fourteen usable ties and wore each for one day in exactly the same order. His whole life was like that; a carefully planned schedule from which he rarely deviated. Jane, in whom he had become interested, was quite the opposite. She could not bear to eat at the same place two days straight, or even at the same time. She never planned anything if she could possibly avoid it. Still, she had become interested in William. Should they seriously consider marriage?

It is easy to predict that Jane and William will have painful and perhaps stormy adjustments. Yet it is by no means certain that if each married someone like himself, the adjustments would be less difficult. Nor can we be sure that Jane will be the more adjustable. Being helter-skelter is itself a pattern of behavior from which it may be quite as difficult to adjust as from a rigid routine. And if two helter-skelter people fly off in different directions, they may have a far harder time adjusting to each other, than to a more predictable and methodical person. In fact, Jane "fell in love" with William, partly because she sensed that she just could not stand a person like herself.

On the other hand, two methodical persons may have quite as difficult a time, because they are almost certain to be methodical in different places and different ways. If Jane arose every morning at eight, this might prove quite as distressing to William as if she rose any time between four and noon. Furthermore, his love for her reflected a subconscious need. He felt that he was beginning to be a bit stuffy in his habits, and that he would get along better with someone who could kick a hole in them and get him out of himself. Furthermore, William was not rigid in many important ways. His job was to be a "trouble shooter" in personal relationships for his company; to deal with customer complaints and smooth the ruffled feathers of discontented employees. In so doing he was unusually able to adjust the tone of his voice or of his letters, the directions which he gave, and what he offered in the name of his company to the personalities with whom he dealt and the requirements of the situation. The real issue, then, is not how methodical or helter-skelter you are, but how flexible and adjustable you can be. And this flexibility is primarily a matter of mental health.