Ensuring That You are Able to Accept Competent Help in your Marriage If You Need It

Are you developed emotionally to the point that you are able to accept competent help when you need it? In the matter of physical health we recognize the need for specialized help. We do give our children considerable knowledge about their bodies and how to care for them. By the time they reach adulthood they have a good basic understanding of the nature of disease, and the principles of hygiene and sanitation. Knowledge of new discoveries, such as insulin, penicillin and even the Rh factor is widely disseminated. Yet we all recognize that despite this very considerable knowledge, most people will, at times, have to call in outside help. Most people do this without shame or embarrassment. Even general practice physicians call-in specialists for their more difficult and baffling cases.

Most marriages, like most bodies, occasionally become ill and break down at some point. Such illnesses are not always fatal. The sick marriage may recover by itself, just as our fathers often recovered from their sicknesses before they had doctors. Yet the outside expert is important. In many instances the patient who has competent help will recover, when without it he would die. In other instances the outside specialist can make the recovery come much quicker, and be more complete. In times past, many people used to drag around with physical ailments from which they could be really cured today. Likewise many marriages, while not ill to the point of divorce, drag along without that buoyant happiness and glow which competent help could give. One reason for the importance of the outside expert is his ability to detect difficulties early, so that they can be corrected before they become serious. Divorce has many causes, and effective treatment of the tragedy will require extensive, difficult, and widespread measures. But it could quickly be reduced, if couples were willing to seek competent help before their marriages were on their deathbeds.

Fred was both surprised and hurt when Louise, whom he wanted to marry, disagreed with him about counseling help. He boasted that after they were married, they would handle all difficulties by themselves. He was not going to have any third parties meddling in his affairs. Louise agreed that untrained but emotionally involved in-laws and well-meaning friends should not be resorted to, any more than we would call upon them to diagnose or treat an illness. But a refusal to consult an impartial expert—that was another matter. Suppose they had a child who became seriously ill; would they insist on taking care of it themselves? Fred prided himself on his high standards of responsibility and independence. But to be independent you need not insist upon repairing your own watch. Responsibility involves the willingness to use quickly such resources as may be necessary and available to meet the demands of a situation. Louise rightly interpreted Fred's attitude as an evidence of immaturity; an immaturity which made him a questionable marriage risk.

Fortunately through a lecture series and some counseling appointments, Fred came to recognize the irresponsibility of his attitude, and grew up at this point. One of the most encouraging signs in the marriage situation is the growing willingness of intelligent, well-informed people to seek help in less serious difficulties. Securing expert help in consultation is no more a confession of failure or an admission that the marriage is on the skids than a physical check-up is evidence that the individual is about to die. The willingness to secure competent help is a vital part of that determination to succeed which can be the cornerstone of a successful marriage. As such, it is one of the character traits essential to success.