On-Line Personal Ads Dictionary
for Women

40-ish.............................................49

Adventurous.......................Has slept with everyone

Athletic......................................flat-chested

Average looking..........................Ugly

Beautiful...........................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure......................On mood-stabilizing medication

Feminist..........................................Fat

Free spirit....................................Junkie

Friendship first....................Former slut

Fun......................................Annoying

New-Age.................Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned....................No pre-marital sex or fondling

Open-minded......................Desperate

Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate..................Sloppy drunk

Professional..........................Bitch

Voluptuous.........................Very Fat

Large frame....................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate.................Stalker

The New Oxford Women's English Dictionary

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want.

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure - - go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you insensitive moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

The New Oxford Men's English Dictionary

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay