Be Mental
Tucson Dating & Marriage Advice Circa 1950

All women like to think they are in the company of in­tellectuals. Do your best to make them think they are. It is much better, however, to seem to be a mental giant than to be one. Being one may make women go for you, but will leave you no time to go for them. You will soon learn that if there is anything women need a great deal of, it is time.

Your first step will be to look intellectual. It will help to wear a pipe, clamped firmly between the teeth, but not smoked. All women "like pipes" but not the fumes from them. Light it occasionally but allow it to go out quickly. It will do this anyway.

Have the head trimmed regularly, but train one fore­lock to dangle carelessly across the forehead. Your setting will be important, too. At least one wall of books is essential. Display prominently two or three shelves of paper bound books in French.

"Sartre! My, Davie, I think he's divine, don't you?"
"Don't ever touch him in English, though, darling. Matter of rhythm. Breaks down utterly."
(Snatch up any volume, read off a sentence or two.
Never translate.)
"There. See what I mean? It flows, dammit, it flows."
"It certainly does, David. It's so—so French!"

A half dozen volumes in some obscure language, say Arabic or Sanskrit, are excellent. Pretend almost total ignorance of the language.
"No, no, really! I just stumble through it. Nothing but imagery anyway, when you pin it down."
Several racks of records are de rigueur. One refreshing approach is to ignore utterly the classical records.
"Hope you're a real aficionado, darling. Let me try this on you. An old ditty done years ago by the Con­necticut Yankees."
"Oh?"
"Forget the melody. Concentrate on the underbeat. Something, well, terribly real about it. Frightening al­most."

With most females it is possible to put on a dazzling display of intellectual virtuosity with a minimum of re­search.
"Oh, Davie, the Stravinsky!"
"Do you love him, too? I find him rather, well, en-compassing."
"And vital."
"You've got him there. Vital. In a moribund sort of way."

The skillful male can keep this up for hours, whether or not he is familiar with the work of art under discus­sion. The only danger lies in being specific. For example, the above conversation could take a bad turn:
"And vital."
"Vital? How do you mean exactly? True, the first thirty-two bars of the prelude have a definite lilt, but beyond that—will you help me with the counter melody?"
Such an approach will win few friends.

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