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Making First Dates Work
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Few people are thoroughly comfortable on first dates. What should be the simple pleasure of getting to know another human being can sometimes buckle under the weight of unrealistic expectations, the baggage of previous relationships, or just plain old anxiety. Here are some things to consider when you leap into that first date: - No matter how wonderful your date is compared with the schmucks you've been seeing (or married to), do not tell him that he is a nice guy. - A shared sense of humor is important. Try to bring laughter to the date. Try to get a laugh out of the guy. That way you know you've got something. If he doesn't get your jokes what else is he going to "get" about you? |
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- Be yourself. People sometimes try too hard to impress. If they just relax a little, the date will go better and they will not have to worry about any of those little embellishments backfiring later on. - The worst thing people do on first dates is lie. They are trying to improve their status so you will be interested in them. - Do not give up. But if things do not go well, be prepared. Take your cell phone along on the date. A discreet call to a friend can help you engineer an early end to the date. - If you are meeting someone you know only through a personal ad or an online dating service, be sure to go to a place with plenty of other people around. And do not blab out your whole life story on the first date. Keep it general: music, books, movies, favorite foods, and so forth. - There is a difference between first dates and the first face-to-face contact with someone you connect with through a dating service or ad. That is a meeting to assess each other, not a date. - If you are comfortable, and seem to be compatible, set up a date to spend more time together. - Remember that the first date is supposed to be fun. You are getting to know this person and he is getting to know you. It should not be something that feels like a meeting with your boss. - Look for something creative and make sure it allows you to interact. It will help if the activity relates to a shared interest, such as art or music. - Doing something you enjoy takes the pressure off. |
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- Women sometimes crank up the pressure because of the hope that this guy is "the One." Slow down - it's just a date. - Have realistic expectations about a first date. Some people start planning their wedding, and others expect the worst. Try to find some middle ground. It's supposed to be fun. - Have a specific plan. Do not leave things up to chance. Spontaneity is nice, and an admirable quality in a person, but it reduces anxiety to know what to expect in terms of activity and location – and how to dress. - If the date goes well, do not hang on until the wee hours of the morning. As people get tired, they change, and the later it gets the less there is to do. There will likely be a next time – save something for that night. |
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- If the date is a dud, do not make any promises you will not keep. Do not be encouraging if you feel no interest in further interactions or pursuit. Do be honest. Just say that you feel there is not a basis for anything other than perhaps a friendship, and let your date take it from there. Pick yourself up and move on. There are 110 million single adults in the United States alone. - Give your date a chance. Take the time to listen, and be on the lookout for their special qualities. The Number One mistake people make on first dates is to judge the other person too quickly and harshly. Always keep an open mind. There is so much to discover about a person. |
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