Part IX
If and When the Time For a Date Comes

Hopefully, the moment of truth will come in time, and you'll discover someone you want to meet face-to-face. Don't forget, you only have to agree to meet someone if you really want to. If you feel at all uncomfortable about the meeting, then don't agree to it. And while there will some disappointment involved, even if you have agreed, you can change your mind about meeting whenever you like. Maybe you just need to email and/or chat for a tad longer. Another solution to this uncertainty might be to engage the telephone a few times. Do not give out your home number, address, or personal details unless you are sure about the person you wish to meet. You can use a cell phone, or call from a phone that does not give details to caller ID systems.

When you finally do decide that it's time to elevate your new friendship a step higher, here are some things to think about before making that final commitment to meet. It may save you some time, and frustration.

Ask yourself these questions – and give yourself honest answers

• Do you believe you know this person well?
• Has this person answered all of your questions to your satisfaction?
• Is this person patient, fun, and good humored?
• Do you trust this person? (Very important, and yet hard to be objective about.)
• Has your new acquaintance applied any pressure to you?
• Do you know what this person does for a living?
• Do you know where this person lives – or at least in what area they live?
• Do you know anything at all about their background, education, and family?
• Have you seen your intended date's picture? (The more pictures the better!)
• Have you ever spoken on the telephone to this new friend?
• Are you quite confident that this person has described themselves accurately and truthfully? You have no 'slight' concerns?

If you can confidently answer YES to the above questions, then maybe it really is time for you to meet – and end the mystery and suspense. Naturally, only you can make hat critical decision. If your decision is to meet, these general dating rules can be helpful:

Tell someone, a person who is close to you, about the meeting. Tell your friend where you are planning to go, and on what date. Also tell them what time the meeting is scheduled for, and what time you will be returning home. Share as much information as you can with your friend. If you've got a cell phone, you can even make arrangements to call and let your friend know you are okay.

You should agree to meet in a very public place the first time you meet. Restaurants are good, bars are okay, but may make the wrong statement. Just make sure it's somewhere where there are lots of other people. Agree to meet somewhere that you have been before. Being in familiar surroundings will help you relax and thus enjoy the meeting. If you want, you can even arrange to have friends in the meeting place. This will surely make you more comfortable, but it might mean that you don't really trust the other person enough yet.

It's unnecessarily risky to agree to be picked up from work or at home. Make your own transportation arrangements to the meeting location, and your own way home afterwards. You can even get a friend to take you there, and pick you up afterwards.

Restrict the length of time of the first meeting – BEFORE the meeting starts. This gives both people a nice, polite, non-hurtful way of leaving. Let's face it, everyone doesn't like everyone, and this is a great safety for both people. Besides, you can always agree to stay together longer, if that is best. Lunch hours are already limited in time length, so they make good first meeting platforms.

If you wish to leave the first meeting at any time during the meeting, then you should do so. You really don't need to feel obliged to stay against your desires, only to find yourself feeling awkward and uncomfortable. If you aren't relaxed, then you clearly cannot enjoy the date. You owe it to yourself and your date to be comfortable, happy, and relaxed. If you do need to leave early, be polite and considerate when you tell the other person. They may not feel the same way, and will be hurt. While that's not nice, it's infinitely better than the alternatives.

Read part 10 >>